Professor Brian Cox: Enemy of Chemistry

Calm down, people. Before we march on Professor Brian Cox’s swanky West End flat, demanding his head for heinous crimes against our beloved subject, let me explain.

OK, I must admit, directly, Professor Brian Cox hasn’t actually done anything wrong here . Hang on...you at the back, put down the baseball bat...you’ll get us all in trouble. Good, I can continue. What Professor Brian Cox has done, is point out to me where Chemistry is lacking (indirectly—we aren’t really buddies. Even though I send him abusive messages via Twitter sixteen times an hour, 24/7, he never replies. These celebs, huh?).

What chemistry lacks more than any other science or any other subject, for that matter, is celebrity status. We simply don’t have sex appeal. Think about it. I’m not necessarily talking about real scientists here, either. Fictional characters can entice a child to pick up a lab coat and follow a career in any of the sciences. In fact, fictional science, bolstered by the stardust of Hollywood, can inspire a generation. In Hollywood, lab specs are only worn to enhance intellectuality, whilst Safety Inspections are fictitious, devised by demons in nightmares (jokes aside, always wear protection *childishly giggles*).

All the subjects have been blessed with the magic of the silver screen...except us, Chemistry.

Take physics, nuclear physics to be precise. The Incredible Hulk is someone whom we can all relate to.



OK, well maybe not that scene, which is simply bizarre. But, for a young child tackling GCSEs and the horrors of High School, being able to turn into a seven-feet-tall hunk of muscle, and, armed with fists like boulders, crush schoolyard bullies into the playground is somewhat appealing.

It isn’t just physics. Even Archaeology has got this fella:





They dig things up? That’s what archaeologists do. The gas board dig things up, and a lot quicker, which is saying something. Yet every kid wants to be an archaeologist because Dr. Indianna Jones has a whip.

Botanists grows plants. So does my driveway, and I don’t even want it to. Surely botany isn’t glamorous? No, but Uma Thurman is. Botany’s anwer: Dr. Pamela Lillian Isley, aka Poison Ivy.



Biology. Surely, surely, surely, we have more streetcred than biology (showing our dominance on a monthly basis is starting to get a little boring).

But... we have been defeated

... by default.

Biology has a champion, and what a champion: Steve Irwin.



Shortly before his death, he was to be named an adjunct professor at the University of Queensland's School of Integrative Biology. He was awarded the professorship posthumously by the Uni. Damn. Biology cheated and bagged themselves a legend!

So what has Chemistry got? I’ve been trawling, trawling and trawling, and I’ve found these chemical gladiators to fight in our corner in the scientific arena.







My word, that was terrible. Did you see the shirt that guy was wearing?

Personally, explosions and multicoloured flames were the sirens that called me towards chemistry’s shore. Still, it would be nice if one of our brethren could be the hero for a change and not always land the roles of the mad professor making the next doomsday device, or the chemical-induced schizophrenic kidnapping damsels in distress.



And that, finally, brings me back full circle...
 
Physics has gone one step further than Hollywood glam. Sure, you’ve got the raw power and rage vented by the Hulk, but with physics, it controls both beauty and the beast. For while it has the power to smash, it also has the power to seduce, not through the dark side of the force, but through the luxury which is Professor Brian Cox’s hair.



Ravishing

How can we cope with that? How on Earth can we hope to entice a generation to follow the profession of Chemistry whilst Professor Brian Cox is in action? The brains of a...erm...professor and the looks of a superstud...hang on. Something has just occurred to me.

It all makes sense now. Professor Brian Cox IS the doppelganger of male supermodel, Derek Zoolander.

Don’t believe me?




That took me ages!

Professor Brian Cox is doing a very good thing for physics, and science as a whole. He’s an approachable Northerner who can speak to anyone. In fact, on the BBC chat show, “Something for the Weekend,” Professor Brian Cox engaged Louise Redknapp in a discussion on particle physics for five entire minutes. Yes, a two-way conversation (sort of). He really is that good.

I want to throw something over to you. Why aren’t chemists ever the heroes? We’re the villains. I’m hoping I’ve overlooked someone, and one of you lot is going to say “What about so-and-so?” And I’ll say, “ohhh yeaaah!” and everything will be right in the world. If not? What can we do about it? Are we to be forced to kidnap Professor Brian Cox and teach him our ways in order for him to become chemistry’s ambassador? Would it work? If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that chemistry and beauty...just don’t mix. 



Next month...hopefully some science.

Jacko
www.mark-jackman.com